I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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