she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
