I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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