i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just google imaged poop.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
