the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
