apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
