I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize