Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
