You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
