At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
