dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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