Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
