you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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