We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
