You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Drake has all the answers
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
