I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
