for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
