What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
