Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
