Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
