So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
