what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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