oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize