I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
