No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
