Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
