just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
