Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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