tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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