i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
