just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
