u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
