Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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