I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
