from now on my penis is your penis
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i think i just lost a toe
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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