morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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