oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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