I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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