i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize