I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
