you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize