he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
