he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
