Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I know her cup size but not her name....
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
