He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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