i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
