she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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