belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
