I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
