my being single is dangerous.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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