he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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