that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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