you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
