Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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