the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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