Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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