My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Randomize
