So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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