I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
