You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
