Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
