plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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