shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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