the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
