Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You can't motorboat a personality
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
