Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
