fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
