We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize