it hurts more in the daytime
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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