I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
