the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
