I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
