Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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