About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
