Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
