I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
