That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
