I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
