O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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