it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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