He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize