Do you still have your period?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
