So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize