I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize