just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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