When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
