this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
how does that bad decision feel?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
