I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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