So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
