when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize