We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
