You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
