I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's official drugs can't kill me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
