She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
