i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
These tits shall not be calmed
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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