sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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