So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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