Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
